I just wanted to write something briefly before I forget it, or Satan and time lose me this revelation. I went to a Christian counsellor yesterday, and it was very encouraging. Was nice to have someone appreciate that it sucks to not have family around or see my parents once a year. It was really good to have a fellow Believer encourage creativity and truth in my life. She talked about being a prophetic ministry, and shared two things that really stuck with me: One was that she gets great leaders in the Kingdom come to her. After sharing some of my life story she said she really felt/knew that God had something particular and special in mind for me, and that it wasn't easy/hadn't been, but to remember this life is not our home. It was a direct encouragement from the Lord and I did feel empowered to walk forth in that renewed realization. To expect God to show up, expect Him to be growing me in the pain, rather than losing hope.
The 2nd thing was that there has been a cloud of darkness and despair over people in Aroostook county for years. She's from here and clarified that she says it with love and a broken heart, but she wasn't surprised when I mentioned that so many people I've met (especially at work) are very negative and quick to rain on any excitement I may be feeling. Especially if I say I'm excited for snow or winter I get told I'm being foolish and don't know what I'm saying and how I will regret those words. I have felt beaten down emotionally on many levels, and when the counsellor said this - it was as if a shaft of light hit the situation and I could see it for the spiritual battle that it is. No wonder I have been sinking into deeper depression since being here, no wonder so many things have been unnecessarily hard. No wonder I have felt God led me here only to arrive and wonder why. I walked out with a much lighter spirit than I have been feeling.
As a sort of followup - tonight God made my lava lamp start working. This lamp has been in storage for nearly 7 years. I strongly requested my mom ship it in my stuff from Reno because it has sentimental value being from one of my brothers. But when it arrived I couldn't get the wax to do its thing. Had the right bulb in, and it would warm up and start to move a bit, but never bubbled into bits that floated up and down. It was essentially broke. Defunct. I mentioned it to my mom the other night and she agreed that it was weird and kind of annoying since it'd been so particularly kept. Well, tonight, I turned it on, and noticed soon afterwards that it was actually 'doing its thing'. I smiled. Then laughed, feeling again as if God had unfastened a heavy hold on my heart. Now, I know that it is my days off, so I am already feeling better because of that. I know that I am not on-call again for a couple of weeks, which helps me feel lighter too. But I don't want Satan's 'practicality' or over-analysis to rob me of praising the Lord and appreciating what He has shown me.
So I've written these down to remember. like setting up my alter of stones.