Just call me Dr Almost Death

This morning presented a very normal experience, I suspect. But as it is still mildly interesting, and as I think others will enjoy the fact that it was me, and not them, I will relay it. I also felt, immediately afterward, that it was a very James Herriot experience, which encouraged me, and helped me to find the funny side of it. I am on call this week, which means I have the phone that rings, sometimes in the middle of the night. I then shudder and answer the phone, take note of what the answering service is telling me regarding someone who's called and what the issue is. I then call the person, try to respond intelligently, and pray inwardly that it is not an emergency and I can either go back to bed or continue with whatever else I am doing. My first week, I've averaged about one call each night requiring attention. Last night I had none. hmmmm. suspiciously 'nice'. Wake up this morning with a sore throat. I am not surprised as I've had a terrible headache all week and one of the receptionists has been horrifically sick at work. Think happy, and dreading, thoughts about how the phone hasn't rung all night and speculating when it might ring next. Contemplate and message to chat with parents, hear no reply. Get hot tea, sit on couch, and the phone rings. So and so is calling, the dog had a seizure, is a very old dog, they think now is a good time to euthanase. I encourage them to keep the dog quiet for a bit, I will get ready and meet them at the clinic. Agree. click. Groan! Message parents, can't chat, love you, hope you have a good night. poo. Shower, make more hot tea and I head up to work. Am getting pretty good at opening the door and getting the code punched in for the alarm. ta da! Then turn on computer, open safe, get forms out, find the animal's record, and wait. My boss comes in to check on one of our friendly boarding cats, tells me where she'll be if I need any help, and away she goes. I start to read some comics I brought while waiting, and drink my tea. Owner's friend (lady who rang) arrives and I discuss options. Owner had decided best to euthanase, Friend fills out form, and then I go out and help her bring in the dog - who is a bit grouchy so gets a muzzle, and in a difficult position but we finally get her on the stretcher and walked inside. I decide we'll just take care of her on the floor in the waiting area, rather than walk further into the clinic, and then lug her back out (she is a nice hefty dog). Soo...then I go and get the Lethabarb (glad I already opened the safe!), tourniquet, clippers, and alcohol. Realize I forgot to put deodorant on in my haste this morning, feeling a bit icky. Praying that God helps me get the vein. God decides it is better for me to not get it right away. Apply tourniquet to right arm, shave a section, see the vein, stick the needle, draw back - no blood. no problem, just redirect. No blood. Damn vein - where are you?! (Please God, help me get the vein. God still says no) Pull out, assess vein - yes, it does appear and feel to be right there. Awkwardly crouched on the floor, Friend holding the dog's head. "hmm, she has low blood pressure, it's quite difficult to get this vein." Retry. nothing. Dog flails a bit, and Friend asks is it done yet. Ha, I wish! "Sorry, not yet. having trouble with this vein. I will try the other side. Very sorry" - that's okay, she replies generously. So we swap sides. This is even slightly more of an awkward position. Apply tourniquet to left leg, shave, pleading with God, stick needle. Some blood, loosen tourniquet, dog decides to thrash, vein blown. In my desperate hope I decide to inject some anyway. I decide I am not convinced until I have nearly injected all of it, and can definitely see the vein is blown. Damn! Could this be any worse?! Friend asks "is that enough solution then?" sigh. "I am very sorry, the vein has blown, I will have to go get some more." "ok". get new syringe, new needle, more solution from the back. Begging God - for the Friend's sake, please let me get this dog humanely killed! pause, breathe, realise I am a bit shaky, go back out. Rather than making the Friend move to the other side again, I decide to try the right front leg from my left awkward position. Reapply tourniquet, needle, some satisfying draw-back, loosen tourniquet, inject quickly. finally. the old dog can just sleep the happy sleep of death, finally going to doggy heaven. I listen for a long time to be sure she has gone. Yes, she's gone. Friend gets blanket, I realise I should've done the billing first. Hope it goes smoothly. it does not. I already had the invoice made up (another small victory), Friend pulls out card - rats, I don't do cards yet. I attempt to figure out how to use the machine. Nope. it's not having it. I swipe a few times, sigh again - I'm so sorry, I will just have to bill you as I can't figure out the machine, Friend tries but also doesn't know. She says that is fine, she will come in on Tuesday (monday is a holiday). I help her out with the dog, say something awkwardly (not a good time to wish her a happy weekend), walk back inside. Now I realise I am not feeling so hot, my throat is still sore, I am starting to feel a bit feverish, and now quite jittery. Ahhhhhh. Throughout the Friend is more than gracious in this very frustrating moment. I try not to think about what she might be relaying back to the Owner about the experience, sit for a bit and wonder when the phone will ring next, and then drive home.